Thursday, September 20, 2018

down to the sea

so! here we are, getting towards the end of my first week of funemployment. i legit had to hit the ground running on this one; sure, i'm eligible to apply for employment insurance, but like i said before, i want to work, which means i'm applying for full-time jobs all the time. the goal is something full-time permanent, of course, but i still need to spend time thinking about the bigger picture.

does being unemployed mean i have more time to blog? well, i mean...sure, but it also means i have less money to do things with, which means i have less things to blog about. i suppose i can go far enough into my head that i can just write a bunch about introspective things, but i have to be in the right mood to get ~deep~. it's easier to do some shit like oh, i dunno, take off for germany and then write about that. physical experiences, y'know.

("oh, so what do you drink here, then?" "we drink jack daniels.")

but! like i said, i'm sorting it out. it's worth mentioning it, but the last time i didn't have a job, i had a boyfriend, so at least i had a reason to clean myself up a few times a week and go be a part of the outside world. this time, i'm actually going to have to make the effort to be in society myself, and that might be tough? i dunno. it depends on how much motivation i have to put on pants, i guess.

but honestly, the rest of my situation is far from bad. i've got my health, i have a band that i love, i have all the cool coats and makeup i need (and it's weird how reassuring this is to me), i'm well-stocked with groceries and supplies, i have a network of awesome and supportive friends, and i can write. i'm comfortable. it could be so much worse, and i know i'm very lucky for it.

if anything, all this free time has been giving me plenty of time to work my way through flake's book:

i mentioned it on twitter, but it's almost surreal how much of it i...actually understand? or like, get the gist of, anyway. it's fair to say that attempting to read german in order to decipher rammstein tour stories is far more motivating than a textbook.

to go along with this, though, i'm still keeping up with my german lessons, this time more determined than ever (must! read book!!). it's interesting to note how much better my spoken pronounciation/accent has gotten after only four days in germany. (also, i absolutely found that it's true that you speak better the drunker you are.) it's a twisty language, but then again so is english, and anything can be improved upon. it's good to have a goal to work towards in the off-hours.

A post shared by Caitlin H. (@mylovesubliminal) on

in the meantime: cutting back on amenities, budgeting, spreadsheets, and getting back into the groove of surviving on my own. also, i may be a poor now, but you're damn right going to toronto oktoberfest here next weekend. sure, it's touristy and cheesy, but i miss berlin so much already, and i'll take any bit of the culture i can get. ich vermisse dich.

also: it's almost fall, which is guaranteed to put me in a good mood. best season ever. (my birthday is also officially less than three weeks away now, eeeep.) seeing the leaves change colour and feeling a chill in the air is my best cure for any malaise, and though it doesn't last too long here in toronto, it'll be enough to revive me even a little bit. get ready for plenty of instagrammed photos of fall foliage throughout the city, as well as outfit-of-the-day selfies of whatever fall coat-and-boots combo i'm wearing. like so, from last year:

anyway, i have a packed weekend coming up - ie. i will actually have things to blog about - so i'm going to take my leave now to start knocking tasks off my to-do list. no rest for the wicked, i swear.

[ music | florence + the machine, "big god" ]