Tuesday, January 16, 2018

making you a wish

so i already swore up and down on social media that i'd be spending my 2018 holidays in europe, and i've since made a plan in advance! (mostly to 1. hold myself to it and 2. look at booking relatively early, in order to get good travel deals)

if all goes well, my friend emma and i are going to spend the days before, during, and after christmas in berlin and hamburg (planning on having a 6-8 hour stopover in iceland on the way!), then we're going to take the train to italy for new year's eve since her family has a villa in tuscany (and apparently new year's is a massive deal in italy). she's from england, and she has about a million friends and connections all over europe, so i'd be going with someone who knows the people and know the terrain. perfect. (worth noting that i've never been to europe, ever.)

i'm a little wary about the costs, since i'm just going to be going back to europe (or germany, at least) in 2019 for the predicted rammstein tour, but i feel like it'll be good to at least see the country before i'm only going from town to town to see a band. following a band makes it a little restrictive for sightseeing, is all. i mean, i might have seen a lot of montebello at rockfest last year, but that's because there wasn't too much to see, really.

speaking of quebec, i'm going to montreal with my girlfriends for my birthday weekend in october. hell yes.

but in the spaces in between, i'm racking up wrestling show plans for the year in advance. so far it includes wwe nxt coming to mississauga next month, possibly the next wwe house show when they roll through toronto in march, and ring of honor's annual toronto show in may. i've gotta keep an eye on the rest of the roh dates throughout the year, because i definitely want to try for at least a couple of their shows. i may end up being broke as fuck, but at least i'm going to have a great time.

(i've managed to keep it together so far every time i've met him, but i feel like seeing him with the title belt will be too much. my emotions!!!11)

also, there has been brunch with good company and chilling solo.

you can't go wrong with a bath bomb that fills your tub with glitter, is what i'm saying.

plus i ordered a copy of the live aus berlin dvd, which is going to keep me occupied later this week. and! the toronto light festival opens this week, so my insta will likely be bright with photos from that. add in next week's pretty much entire wrestling-related hangs and events, and i think i'm doing a good job keeping the january blues at bay.

but i also tweeted this thing on christmas eve, and i think it's important (especially in light of all the valentine's day trash creeping into stores right now):

as i've said before, i am very single, and i probably have too much fun with being single, but i can understand how in some situations it can feel a bit....less than, you know what i mean? i'm really not immune to seeing people in my life happy in relationships - or at the very least, actively dating with apps or whatever - and i can feel all well and good for them, but sometimes there's that nagging, shitty voice in the back of my head going, so what are you doing wrong, then? yeah, what indeed.

so that sort of thing sometimes makes me wonder if i should give it a shot again - if only to prove to my self-doubt that there's nothing wrong with me after all - but it all comes down to the very human trait of avoiding doing something you don't want to do, and i'm....not that into dating random guys, really. i have a fun and fulfilled life, which means i can afford to be selective (and boy howdy, am i ever). this also means i'm not willing to settle for less than what i think i deserve, and not to put myself over too much, but i think i deserve somebody pretty rad. so i'm not gonna settle. (plus going on dates with strangers has always weirded me out. i'd rather be familiar with a guy first, you know?)

but for everybody, here's the thing: at the end of the day, you have to be okay with being alone, which means you have to be okay with yourself and your own presence. whatever you do, whatever you work on, it has to be for you and in service of you becoming a better, more well-rounded person. if your motivation for doing something is to impress someone that you're interested in, then it's a bit of a false face, you know? that is to say, at the end of the day, other people can disappoint you. you should never disappoint yourself.

okay that's all for now.

[ music | cut copy, "future" ]