Wednesday, August 23, 2017

high cost of living

hi sup? i am queen of good health.

so my readership has really been expanding lately, which i think may be one of those cause-and-effect things - like, if i write more, more people will read? or maybe it's just that flogging it harder on twitter brings in the people. hello new readers! this is me.

at the same time, i'm still aware that this place is kind of an anomaly, and it's funny that i've persisted so long in blogging about my whatever life. i know a lot of people who get frustrated when it comes to blogging - or really, social media in general - because they don't build up an audience quick enough and feel like they're just shouting at air. my response to this has always been to shift your perspective and think of it as writing for yourself first and foremost, and if you're lucky enough to develop an audience, hey, more the better.

and for me, whether it's ten people reading or ten thousand people reading, i'd still write. i need to do it, you know? it's my personal record, and it's how i sort my shit out.

"are you picky in what you write about?" i mean....yes? i really do have to pick and choose what i blog about, because this is a public deal and i know not to reveal too much of myself. i can only write about my own story, but sometimes my story involves other people, and i try to leave them out as much as i can, because some things need to be private and because it's not fair to them to make things one-sided. (this isn't a subtweet at anybody in particular, just an overall sentiment i've developed in recent years.)

so i try to be respectful, and also, y'know, it doesn't exactly serve me too well to tell everything. where's the fun in that? har har. (in other words: you don't really know me just because you read my blog, ihr lieben.)

but look, i'm glad and grateful people show up. i'm delighted i can give something back, if people like reading my dumb ramblings and taking something meaningful away from them. i'm hella awkward about showing sympathy or directly empathizing with someone's difficult situation, but if i can filter any bit of weird comfort through this blog, then that's what i'll do. i've been through a lot in my life and i've got more issues than vogue magazine, but i've survived this far, so i try to do what i can to help others get through their shit.

in the meantime, i ended the sarahah experiment, which was kind of a bummer - it was getting really hilarious towards the end. (and by that i mean people were sending in anonymous smut to me, which i was more delighted by than offended, which is likely a little off) it was more that the website was wonky and not that secure, and the app was slow and shitty, and i just figured eh, i'd rather not get hacked. always use dummy emails and passwords, people.

however! i still learned a lot about what the anonymous public think of me, and what i found most interesting is how many people think i'm some kind of intimidating ball-buster. which is utterly hilarious to me, because i'm the biggest dingus of a mushball you'll ever meet. but at the same time, it makes me glad that i give off that perception, because remember what i said in this blog post here: i'm a nice girl, but i don't want the world to know it, because i don't want to get taken advantage of. and i never forget that i'm alone out here, so i've gotta protect my stupid heart.

anyway, off for a whiskey tasting and dinner date later this week, then a mercifully quiet weekend, then probably the cne next week if plans line up. someone stop me from buying this palette, because i tried it out last week and now i don't think i can do without it? argh.

oh, but first!...yeah, another rammstein video. i mean, you can't fault me for enjoying writing about music again, can you? anyway, you know it, you love it, so here it is:

hello gang of sexy murderers calling

(paul with floppy hair! richard with glasses! i die.)

i think it's safe to say that we diehards are all a bit conflicted on how we feel about "du hast" ("you have"); on one hand, it broke them in america (no small feat for a band from germany that sings only in german, which was real bizarre in 1997; "du hast" remains the highest-ranking german language song on the billboard music charts), it made them like a bajillion dollars, and it spread their popularity far and wide (it was included on the soundtrack for the matrix). it still gets used in tv and film today. (observe)

on the other hand, it's forever cemented them as "you know, the du hast band?" (if you're particularly unlucky, someone will sing the first few lines at you while you cringe and smile painfully) obnoxious jock bros love this song. and since it's their biggest hit, a lot of americans think that rammstein were a one-hit wonder, completely missing the fact that they've put out six studio albums (plus a best-of album, plus a remix album, plus a rarities album, plus three live albums, plus an album that's all piano covers) and they've had over a dozen singles across a career that spans almost 25 years now. but i'm not bitter about that oversight or anything. sure, they're the du hast band. sure.

and look, it's...not their best song, okay? don't get me wrong, it's still very good (and the "hast/hasst" language pun in the lyrics holds up), it's fun as hell live, but in the context of the rest of their catalog, it's quite, well, simple, and not at all a fair representation of what they're capable of as a band. (pull up "mein teil", "mein herz brennt", or "frühling in paris" to start. actually, you know what, if all you know about them is that they play angry german metal, put on "frühling in paris" and "seemann" - the latter of which, i swear to you, makes me cry constantly - and see what you think. it's easy to go hard; it's taking a lighter touch that really shows how talented the six of them are.)

all the same, i don't hate "du hast" because, like many of us, it was the song that first got me into rammstein. i still listen to it now, because i like to remember the first time i heard it, and how till goes from angry german growls to full-throated opera baritone at the 1:31 mark and i sat straight the fuck up, like, holyyyyyyy shit what even is this band?? mind-blowing. and it is still is. it might get outshone by the rest of their (very extensive) catalog, but it broke america for a reason, and it's easy to hear why.

also, it's not even fair that schneider - the drummer, who plays the main guy in the video (the band members act the parts in all their videos and rarely use extras) - is just as pretty today as he was in 1997. like, he's in his early fifties now and he's still so pretty. god damn it, germans.

also, here's the video for 2001's "ich will" ("i want") which is meant to be a thematic follow-up to the "du hast" video but is really just a good chance to ogle how hot richard is at the beginning with the black eye and the cigarette, unfffffffff @ our handsome vampire lord (also still love you paul, i see you lookin' all intimidating and adorbs):

the above is also one of their most fun songs to dance to, by the way. i shook it so hard at rockfest, which is incredibly recommended if you're not wearing a bra.

alright, that's enough.

[ music | godsmack, "whatever" ]