Wednesday, July 5, 2017

under your skin

well, this happened:

it's tattooooooo numberrrrrrrr 11! (i repeat: never leave me alone with money and too much time. but not vodka for once, because getting trashed before getting tattooed is a bad idea.)

yes, it's rammstein. it's the cover of the rarit├Ąten 1994-2012 album, which i'm still not entirely sure exists in physical form anywhere - i've only ever seen it for sale on itunes and available on spotify as a playlist - but i've always thought the twisted wreath-of-thorns (barbed wire?) design surrounding their traditional R+ logo was just gorgeous. i mean, i saw at least half a dozen rammstein logo tattoos at rockfest - they are very common among the larger fanbase - but none like this. (i'm probably not the only one in the world to go the rarit├Ąten thorns route, but i don't mind not being an original. i'm one of likely a hundred people with the kill hannah logo tattooed, anyway.)

and lest you think this was a snap decision on my part, i was thinking about getting this tattoo back in, like, april/may, but i wanted to wait til after i saw them live. commemorative, or something. or maybe i just didn't feel i would be a legit enough fan to do it until then. (and then i had to wait until my sunburned back peeled and healed completely, ugh.)

A post shared by Caitlin H. (@mylovesubliminal) on

as i said in this blog post, i've always felt that you owe the things that save you. and this band came back into my life at a time when i needed a band more than ever, so they really saved me from a time that could have been a lot worse for me. vague, i know, but that's all you get.

so look, rammstein gave me back something i sorely needed - something i honestly was afraid i'd lost, and it had been eating away at me for years. and to me, that's more than enough reason to get stamped with their logo for the rest of my life. (this despite the fact that they are the essence of a constantly controversial shock-rock band, and quite a few of their songs are hilariously offensive if you understand german. they are not a "nice" band. i don't condone it, i just love it)

also, as i said to a friend with a laugh, "i don't know how to really be devoted to something unless i get it inked under my skin forever." (this makes three band logos tattooed on my body, for those keeping track at home.)

now we're back to the usual aftercare routine i've gone through ten times before - careful washing, scent-free lotions, tattoo salves, the works. it's funny how i was always - and still try very hard to be - incredibly cautious with tattoo aftercare, yet back in 2007, when i got my abdomen tattooed, i was on tour with the bands and all proper care went out the van window. we're talking scrubbing it down with hand soap and paper towels in a truck stop bathroom somewhere in new mexico at 2 a.m.

holyyyyyyyyy balls though, is it ever hard to clean/lotion up the part of your back that you can just barely reach (and have to basically do yoga twists to see). i need an adult.

so this one joins the three other tattoos i have on my back area - moist logo on my left shoulder blade, chicago flag on my right shoulder blade, tribal tiger on my lower back - and it all looks good and fine. i'm still too chicken to get any tats anywhere that can't be covered up (although you can probably see my inner wrist tattoos even if i'm wearing a long-sleeved shirt), and i don't exactly have any cohesive pieces, but i'm okay with it all being a bit scattered and piecemeal.

it's timely because this piece from 2012, about a mother "grief-stricken" by her son's first tattoo, has been making the rounds again and causing everybody to get outraged. now, although it's definitely clickbait, i will say that my mother had...kind of the same opinion? i mean, she wasn't plunged into the depths of despair by my first tattoo, but she wasn't exactly happy i was going down the body mod route. she did, in fact, use the word "mutilate" a few times, and i recall her saying something like, "you take such good care of your body, i don't know why you'd want to mark it up like that." (i am the only one in my immediate family with tattoos and piercings; though if you widen the net, one of my cousins has almost his entire torso tattooed along with legs/arms and large gauges in his ears, so he beats me handily)

suffice it to say, i don't think she'd like this one too much - i can already deduce she'd think it's too harsh-looking and too big (it's not too big, but it is quite big) - so i won't exactly be sending her snaps. maybe my parents will see it around thanksgiving, maybe not. (i gather they both assume i'm past the body-mod "phase" but ha ha ha)

anyway, that's all. i'm gonna go throw some more salve on this ish.

[ music | phantogram, "you don't get me high anymore" ]