Friday, June 30, 2017

ain't born typical

ooooof, been back in the real world for almost a week and it still feels a bit weird. at least i'll have some weird-ass tan lines to remember rockfest by.

princess rockfest, looking only slightly disheveled by hour 6 on friday. photo from musikuniverse! (hyperbright waterproof paint eyeshadow by make up for ever)

honestly, it took me a few days to get back to normal; on friday and saturday of rockfest weekend, i didn't get to bed until 3 a.m., so trying to sleep at a regular hour on sunday once i was back home was difficult. also, my voice was still a bit froggy and fucked up by monday. yeeeeesh.

so yeah, all the written/photographed recapping is done and the world is moving on. i feel melancholy about the big weekend being over, because i'd been looking forward to it for so long and it was here and gone so quickly, you know? it's like when you're a kid and christmas is almost here and then it's over and you're like, well fuck, now what? (my mother has no sympy for me on these points; i swear i could hear her rolling her eyes at me over the phone when i was moping)

these make it better though:



(yes, i can definitely see my raised hands in a few of these shots - i can spot my tiny sticklike wrists and the cuffs & bracelets i was wearing - and i could very clearly hear my shrieks in the "stripped" video since it was filmed pretty close to where i was standing, as well as one hilariously long scream right at 10:53 of "halleluja". i was incredibly fucking excited to hear "halleluja".)

what the hell, i'm gonna timestamp the full video just for my own usage, because it's really awesome to actually get to see/hear everything from a different viewpoint than the one i had:

1. 0:46 - "Ramm4"
2. 6:46 - "Reise, Reise" (schneider flipping the drumsticks between beats k i l l s me)
3. 10:52 - "Halleluja" (till's gestures somehow made it even more obscene)
4. 15:00 - "Zerstören" (oh my god paul and richard at the beginning, my fucking heart. vampire guitar bros 4 life)
5. 19:21 - "Keine Lust"
6. 23:38 - "Feuer Frei!"
7. 27:14 - "Seemann"
8. 32:36 - "Ich Tu Dir Weh" (watch this one for the sparks skit alone)
9. 39:34 - "Du Riechst So Gut"
10. 45:05 - "Mein Herz Brennt"
11. 49:51 - "Links 2-3-4"
12. 54:41 - "Ich Will"
13. 58:58 - "Du Hast"
14. 1:04:17 - "Stripped" (worth watching for the lightshow and flamethrower guitars)
15. 1:11:07 - "Sonne" (encore)
16. 1:15:51 - "Amerika" (encore) (i later found confetti in my bra and of course i kept it)
17. 1:21:26 - "Engel" (encore)

(adorable birthday stuff for richard starts at 1:09:50)

and you're wrong if you think i'm too humble to make one of my own photos my iphone background:

helllllllllls yeah. (also it is way crazy to watch the paris dvd now and remember all the times i watched it feeling jealous of all the people in the front row, thinking fuck, i want that to be me, how am i gonna make that happen - and then it did. the alternate universe provides)

i also hauled back all the merch i'd wanted:

i'd been eyeing the waldbühne tank top on the online shop for a while now, so i'm glad i was able to save the shipping charges and just get one in hand. (plus i've never been one for tour tees, but i really do love theirs. only a single canadian date on the back and i was there!)

the tank also works really well as an inconspicuous top to wear to the office:

i've long since decided that, to display a piece of my actual self with me no matter what, i'm going to add a little bit of rock n' roll to all my daily outfits. whether it's a leather accessory or some rubber bracelets or messy hair, a choker necklace or black nail polish or slightly intense makeup, i'm going to try to have something every day. i'm very fortunate to work in an office where what we wear is totally casual, so nobody bats an eye. not yet, anyway. (though it's not like i'm wearing any t-shirts with bullets on them or my spiked crown or my razor blade necklace or anything.)

it's a tad easier to be a bit more punky now that i've got my short hair back:

A post shared by Caitlin H. (@mylovesubliminal) on

the disconnect is sharper than it's been; my grown-out bangs and front pieces are super long, but then they angle up and back to super-short above my neck. muss it up with a bunch of hair putty and there we go! back to the early-twentysomethings.

also i'm still shamelessly pleased at how many people have been thinking i'm still in said early-twentysomethings. it's nice to know that all the ridiculous money i've pumped into skin care products has actually been paying off! (yes, i know a portion of it is genetics as well, so i definitely owe my parents too - also i strip my makeup every night, drink a lot of water, and get plenty of sleep)

onto some summer goals:

get my upper body in shape. my arms are like sad wet noodles. see photo at the top of this post for proof.

keep practicing the hell out of my german. malcolm gladwell says it takes 10,000 hours of practice to master a skill, and i'm determined to get there. i've almost completed(!) the duolingo german lessons, so from there it'll just be constant training and practice every day. and honestly? i find it really, really fun. it's no struggle at all for me to sit down and do, like, an hour of german each evening. and as i've said on twitter, it's slightly creepy how good i'm becoming at it. hard work and practice pays off, who would have thought?

experiment more with makeup. i now have four(!!) eyeshadow palettes, including this new beauty:

A post shared by Caitlin H. (@mylovesubliminal) on

so between all these eyeshadows and the lipsticks i've amassed, it's time to start brushing (haha) up on my makeup techniques as well as try new things. i'm far more daring with my makeup looks than i was a decade ago, and i'm actually developing the skills needed to make it happen. it really does take a lot of trial and error and practice, and so i'm going to commit myself to trying more things, even if it means just experimenting at home on the weekend (or getting more professional makeovers done and committing tips to memory).

do some diy crafty stuff. i've been getting the hankering to learn a new skill for a while now, but something where i can make a thing. unfortunately, a lot of my ambitions are constrained by costs, but i keep turning ideas over in my head about what diy stuff i can learn on the cheap. it may just get to the point where i ask for a sewing machine for my birthday or christmas, then buy some patterns and fabric and go to town. practice makes perfect, right?

(it's not exactly a huge project but i did slap together a quick about me page, for my new readers.)

i guess lastly, i can say that i'm really, really happy with life right now. i'm not sure why i've got such a heart-on for toronto at the moment, but for some reason i'm super into how beautiful the city is and how lucky i am to (still) be here. maybe it's because it's granted me so many opportunities, and because it's always been very central to everything i want to do and be in my life. but oh man, there's no place i'd rather live in at the moment. it feels good to wake up every day and be so thankful you are where you are, and to know that there's always more great stuff to come.

i have music, and i have wrestling, and i have toronto. that's all i need to make me happy.

[ music | rammstein, "reise, reise" ]