Wednesday, May 24, 2017

choose to walk or stay

hello i have returned from the wilderness.

not sure there's anything i can ruminate on about going home that i haven't already blogged about, really; it's all the same reflections at this point. it's always a bit surreal being back home ("home" nowadays being howe island, which is closer to gananoque than my actual hometown of kingston) and seeing my family and everything - i'm the only member of my immediate family who doesn't live in the kingston area - but it does make for a good break.

still, the logistics of getting me on and off the island as well as juggling me across split families can be super tedious, and there usually tends to be long stretches of boredom. i've never dealt too well with boredom. i'm not one of those people who goes on vacation to relax and "do nothing"; i like being active and filling my time with doing stuff. unfortunately, stuff is at a premium when you live on a little island near the middle of nowhere, so i spent a lot of time just lying around the house, working out in the basement gym and messing about with duolingo.

none of this was made better by the fact that the water levels were so high surrounding the island (there's been a lot of flooding in ontario and quebec) that my stepdad told me there was a very real chance the ferries could get suspended, stranding us all there. no, no thank you.


here's something i noticed this time, though:

back in the day, when i first moved to toronto (15 years ago!), i still had to visit home every once in a while - thanksgiving, christmas, etc. - and i really remember just how hard i was clawing up the walls those first few years. i was so convinced there was plenty of amazing stuff going on in toronto that i was missing, just by being out of town for a couple days. (i tried to move back to kingston for the summer between my first and second years of university, but i ended up going so insane with fomo that i only lasted two weeks before moving right back to toronto.)

however, in the last, oh, i'd say eight years or so, i would tend to get really melancholy when it came time to leave kingston and head back to toronto. i just didn't want to go. i'm sure i could parse that down deeper and attribute it to dissatisfaction in my big-city life in those years, but no matter what the root cause, i would just get sad about having to leave my family.

but this time, for the first time in years, just like when i was 19-20, i was raring to get back to the city. i've got a lot of big things coming up, so there's no sitting around being a kid at my parents' place - i've got grownup shit to do. it's time to put in some work, friends.

happily for me, i was welcomed back to toronto by a number of packages that i'd been waiting for. first, the rammstein order i'd placed back in march (the dvd didn't get released until last week, so i didn't get the tank top until now either):

(it's always sort of amazing that their official store ships all their orders in these sinister-looking black boxes covered in tape with the band's logo all over it. i cackle with glee every time.)

so i poured myself a good deal of alcohol and watched the paris dvd last night; although i saw it back in march, that was the theatrical release, and the dvd had the full show. there was a lot i'd missed and/or forgotten about - though i was a bit wistful that neither "reise, reise" nor "ich tu dir weh" were in the set - but holyyyyyy shit am i ever ready to see them perform next month. i'm pretty confident in the amount of lyrics i know, so i think i'll be able to sing along in adequate german. (it was also a good reminder that i need to stock up on waterproof eye makeup - the spray from the dick cannons is no joke.)

and on that topic - my rockfest wristband is here.

this was the final lynchpin in my plans for next month - there was no reason why i wouldn't receive my wristband, but i wasn't going to book my travel until it arrived. now that i have it, i've since paid for my transportation to ottawa (i already booked the shuttle bus from ottawa to montebello and back), and i'm completely ready to go. about a month from now, i'll be standing in a field in quebec in a harness bra and fishnets and chuck taylors and way too much eyeliner, getting baptized by the dick cannons and screaming along to german metal songs with extremely questionable subject matter. it's going to be the best way to start my summer.

grown-ass adult, still joining official band fan clubs

what comes after that? i don't really know, actually. a lot of my remaining summer plans are dependent on funds - i keep telling myself that once the rockfest weekend is done, then i can start saving, but uh - so i'm not sure what's going to remain on schedule. hopefully i can still make it out to chicago for the aaw weekend in july, and i think the girls' cottage weekend is still on for august, but who knows. right now i'm just focused on having the best goddamn june a girl could ever have.

and we're off!

[ music | none ]