Monday, April 24, 2017

but not tonight

busy month, busy month.

A post shared by Caitlin H. (@mylovesubliminal) on

for all my bellyaching about how much i hate warm weather and the sun, even i - poster daughter for nuclear fucking winter - have to admit that i'm always a little taken with spring when it first shows up. i'm still never sure if i take more after my mother or my father, but my mother is a hugely passionate gardener/landscaper, and she passed a lot of that onto me when i was a kid. seriously, i was ordering flowering shrubs and shit from garden catalogues when i was eight years old. i had houseplants and a little garden plot of my own and a gigantic terrarium. for my first-ever actual job, i worked as a florist when i was sixteen. no kidding.

anyway, what i'm getting at is that i really love blooming things and green things, and so this is an okay time of year for me. walking around in the sunshine when it's not blazing hot is pretty, pretty great.

aside from getting in touch with ~nature~, there has also been wrestling, obvs. lots of wrestling. aside from the usual watching 10 hours or so a week on tv, i took in smash wrestling's new girl in town show a couple weekends back, and it was very likely my favourite show of theirs to date. just a stellar card from start to finish.

next up is the big one (for me, anyway): ring of honor's big war of the worlds show here on may 7th, and by the grace of some pals, i've got a second-row seat for it. it's actually at the point now where i feel like i'm going to know at least half the arena.

only a week after roh is two back to back shows - smash's have ring will wrestle and wcpw's world cup canada qualifiers - both on the same day, which means i'm strapping in for approximately seven straight hours of live wrestling. this is what i do, and nobody is surprised by now, not even my parents.

beyond the squared circle, i also made it out to see the reunited age of electric play the mod club, and it was a rad time:

never doubt my ability to shimmy from the back of the room to the front row by three songs into the set, at most. i've made a life out of it, after all. (plus i'm narrow, and i have sharp elbows.)

still, going out to see a concert - whether small or large-scale - is precisely what makes me remember who i am at the core of my being. put me outside at night with the city lights everywhere, plug good music into my ears, pump some vodka into my bloodstream, and it feels like it's the only place i'm meant to be. it brings back every memory i ever made out there in the world, when i was young and invincible and invulnerable.

i have a hard time explaining it, really, but kevin steen/owens gets it:

once you've found that ineffable thing that resonates with you, you're just fucking done for. nothing else will ever compare. you can push it aside and try to forget about it and go on a different path, but you'll always end up coming back to it, because it's what makes you feel fucking alive. it's the epitome of the bukowski quote "find what you love and let it kill you." at least, it always has been for me. (in a good way.)

lastly, speaking of music, i've had this on repeat lately, because i always forget how amazing and outright sinister as fuck it is. the line "let me hear you make decisions without your television" never sounded as creepy-good as it does when intoned with an ominous german accent. (this song was my jam when i was 16 - and, notably, quite a few years before i ever heard the original depeche mode version - which probably explains a lot about me.)

let's all get ready for me to die of joy in a field in quebec in two months' time! ("their concerts are like cirque du soleil, but in hell.") later.

(p.s. i found out recently that i'm a libra born with a moon in scorpio and nothing has ever made so much sense.)

[ music | none ]