Sunday, November 13, 2016

ready to start

so hey, here's some big news: i got a job. as in, my freelancing days are over for the time being -- as of this past tuesday, i'm full-time employed!

am i excited? hell yeah. it's time, my friends. i've referred to my recent life as being "in stasis"; as in, i was just in a holding pattern until something happened. and, as i said to my mother, i couldn't live in a state of suspended animation -- i needed to move forward into the next phase of my life, like a grown-up. freelancing these last couple of years has been great fun and it's taught me a lot, but it wasn't providing me with the financial security or the real motivation to move forward. and given the fact that my boyfriend and i have been talking about moving in together (and getting a cat) for ages now, it was time that i finally stepped up and did something about it. it's important for both my life and my career.

(true to my old pr-spawned disclosure paranoia, i won't be discussing where i work or what i work on, ever. it's better to be safe than sorry.)

speaking of the things freelancing taught me, here's the biggest thing:

i am actually good at this.

honestly, if i hadn't been freelance writing, there's so much i wouldn't have learned. because i freelanced as my main source of income, i learned how to balance my time, how to double down and work extra hard, and how to multitask better. it also pushed me to do things i wouldn't have done otherwise; i swear my volume of written work has been higher and stronger than any of my previous jobs. it's true that you really do get "write for your life" stuck in your head as a motto; when your livelihood depends on every piece of work you do, you put in as much effort as possible. you can't slack off or fuck up. you have to give 110% if you want to add to your all-important monthly invoice.

but this also taught me another valuable lesson: that i can handle anything that's given to me, no matter how difficult it seems at first.

in the past, when i was younger, sometimes i'd get assigned an intimidating project and immediately psych myself out, which would stress me out big time with self-doubt. i definitely still got some intimidating assignments while being a freelancer, but the difference was my mindset of i need to do this, or i won't get paid.

and you know what? surprise -- everything got done. i'd take a deep breath and jump in, and halfway through i'd think oh wow, this isn't as bad as i thought it would be. consequently, i built up a lot of confidence in myself and my abilities, and negated a lot of self-doubt -- because i really realized that i can do a lot, and no matter what, my work will get done. and with that worry out of the way, i can focus more on constantly learning and improving.

i will definitely miss freelancing - being your own boss is a pretty sweet deal - but i'm not going to lie, it's been a pretty lean last couple of years. again, though, it taught me a lot about the people who'll be there for me and support me no matter what, and that especially includes my family (who always propped me up and made sure i didn't worry too much about my future) and my boyfriend, who told me all the time how proud he was of me and bought me little gifts to keep my spirits up and was forever available for hangouts and cuddles and general love. i've really learned how lucky of a girl i am.

so now that it's back to relegating torn jeans, leggings-as-pants, rubber bracelets, and wrestling t-shirts to weekends and days off, i'm off to go roam through my closet to piece together more appropriate work outfits.

[ music | metronomy, "the look" ]