Friday, August 5, 2016

big wave

yeah, i mean, i guess i do miss this already:

when you're a freelancer, though, it's extra tough to unplug when you're technically on "vacation." it's a weird divide when you're not away from an office of any form (unless you're like me and count your apartment as your office). also, there's the tiny detail that there's no paid vacation when you work for yourself, so if you choose to tell your clients you're away for x number of days, that's x number of days of work you're giving up, which can have a big impact on your eventual paycheque. it's a really fine balance, especially when you still want to be around in case your client needs something (and i like my clients, so i do).

but, whatever. that's the current state of the workforce. it's so weird to finally be at a point where you can see how much it's changed over the last 5-10 years.

i digress -- i've been back home in toronto for a week now and i suppose i'm missing the water. it's also fun just to get to do normal, regular stuff with your family, like take a car ride to the grocery store or watch a movie together at home. i'm well aware that this is the shit you couldn't pay your teenage self to do, but when you're in your late twenties/early thirties and you only get to see your family a few times a year, it's nice to pretend what it'd be like if you were around. (i know it's a bit silly to already be nostalgic given that i'm just going back again in two months' time, and then in another two months' time after that, but oh well)

sometimes i wish i could consider moving back to kingston; it's got that quaint small-town charm, and all my parents and siblings are there, and the rent is crazy cheap. i swear, every time i go back for a visit, i wonder what it'd be like if i decided to move back, and if my life would be even remotely easier. i wonder if i could be happy with life in my hometown. but even now, even when there's far less keeping me in toronto than there was ten years ago, i can't imagine going back to kingston. i wish i could be enough for me, but i know that it's not.

i also came back with a white puma pullover, a cheap pair of red-frame sunglasses, two new books, and a 1.13 kg tub of mixed nuts from costco. let no one ever say that visiting your family isn't fruitful.

at least my balcony is looking welcoming:

(ever since i quit smoking three years ago, i never go out on my balcony anymore. sigh.)

all the same, it does feel a lot better to get back into the swing of things. i like keeping busy, i like doing work that makes my clients happy, and i like being back home with my coffeemaker and my face masks and my gym. at the end of this summer, i'm pretty sure i'm going to sum it up as being the following:
  • a lot of sweating
  • a lot of yoga
  • vodka sodas
at least there's the ex coming up to look forward to. in the meantime, it's back to surviving the never-ending heat wave for me.

[ music | ra ra riot, "too dramatic" ]