Saturday, April 23, 2016

#Reverb16: April Showers

April is a fickle month. Potential for snow (at least in some places!), lots of rain, and sunny days in the near 80s and windy days in the 40s. April is temperamental, for sure. Are you a fickle person? How so? Or do you sometimes feel moody? How do you deal with moodiness?

i don't know if i'd say that i'm fickle; i tend to have pretty formed opinions on things, and it takes a lot to get me to change my mind. (also, i've always despised hypocrites, and i'd rather not become what i hate.) moody, though? very likely. but really, find me somebody who doesn't get a bit moody from time to time. are they a robot? they're probably a robot.

not a robot.

still, i feel like i've definitely mellowed out over the years. i don't know if i'd say i was a complete hothead when i was younger, but i could be temperamental for sure. i can look back over old blog posts and definitely see times when i would blow something small out of proportion, or moments when i could be all too dramatic about something that wasn't a big deal. and yeah, i'd fly off the handle every now and then. but even as i had some lows, i'd have highs as well, and those times would make my twenties actually seem kinda fun. which is weird to say. (unlike a lot of people in their thirties, i actually do miss my twenties and feel like those were the best years of my life)

but yeah, i don't tend to feel that way as much these days. instead, i can definitely feel it right around my times of the month, which means i have totally become the goddamn stereotype. fortunately, i've been using the clue app for the better part of the last year, and it really has given me a lot of insight into when my real "black mood" days hit. but i don't lash out or anything; i usually get depressed and emotional and down on myself. those are the days i try to distract myself with other things, or at least keep my interactions with others to a minimum.

for me, the #1 key to dealing with rollercoaster moods is to blunt them before they start, which means being physically active every day. every single day. i have a daily routine that includes 1) going out to the gym for a little over an hour, 2) walking at least 10,000 steps, or preferably 3) both, and i swear it helps keep me sane. it's easy for me to feel skittish or cooped up if i'm shut inside and immobile for a long period of time, so i always need to get out for a walk or hit the bike machine for a bit. it helps release some of my pent-up energy, and the fresh air is nice to clear my head.

also good for moodiness: vitamins and supplements. i've been taking 2,000 ui of vitamin d every day since my time in vancouver, when my doc recommended i up my dosage to keep my moods steady when there wouldn't be as much sunshine. i also take a multivitamin daily, plus a wild salmon oil supplement to get my omega-3s. sometimes, if i have cash lying around (editor's note: haahahhhaahhahahaa), i get vitamin b12 and take one of those a day as well. for all i know, these could just be placebos, but i'd rather take them than not. you never know what little thing could actually be making a huge difference.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

paddling out

it's my liiiiiiiife

but yeah, april's been a busy month so far. between working, finding more work, and stressing over my taxes, it's been full up of things that either 1) i prefer not to blog publicly about (in terms of my professional life, that is -- not my personal life, which is going swimmingly) and 2) the reading public would find too boring. all while making time to go to the gym 4-5 times a week, eat right, take my vitamins, floss, and get 7-8 hours of sleep per night. yeesh.

but it's become much more of a priority for me in recent years to take care of myself, which includes getting enough sleep, exercise, and nutrients. remember those times in your twenties when you could be a total fucking trainwreck, eating garbage and barely sleeping and partying all the time, yet you still look only adorably dishevelled afterwards? yeah, uh, that...doesn't happen when you're in your thirties. instead, you're basically working against the clock and your own failing metabolism to keep yourself from looking like your parents more and more every day. (also, grim case in point: i had the absolute random thought the other day of, what if i'm just rotting inside?)

and like, it sucks. it does! it especially does if you can still vividly remember your twenties and the way your body operated and how you could put up with so much more. it feels like a goddamn betrayal, that's what. how dare you age, body?!

update on the "pump body full of biotin to see if crappy hair/skin is fixed" situation: ongoing.

anyway, i'm going to have some time to myself soon -- next week, the import boy's heading back to his homeland of england to be best man in his twin brother's wedding. i'm not going because i am a poor. (also, i'd needed to get my passport renewed, and it only just arrived two days ago.) still, i'm excited to see his photos and hear his stories about being back in the uk, where nobody will ask him if he's australian. also, it's crazy and awesome that his brother is getting married(!) and i'm so happy they get to be reunited for the occasion.

my father asked if i was planning on coming back to my hometown while sean's away, and the answer was no. for one, i'm already super busy with a lot of things here in the city, and for's weird, but i've been feeling a bit disconnected from kingston and my family there. maybe it's because i still don't feel like i'm going "home" when i make the long (looooong) trek to the island house. i don't have a lot going on in my life, so there's not much to update my family on, and i just feel awkward when there's dead air after i'm asked about what i've been up to. scrabbling for conversation points is not my forte.

also, i think i'm at that point in my adult life where i'm beginning to see myself more from my parents' point of view, and it's so weird, you guys. it's weird to think that you're regarded as a fellow adult rather than just their kid. and like, i dunno. do they feel like they did a good job with me? are they reasonably happy with how i turned out? because i'm basically done as a person, now - i mean, my personality's pretty well set and stuff - and while i obviously still have a lot of life left, are they cool with how i am as an adult? do they approve of what i'm doing, or do they secretly wish i'd made different life choices? these are the big questions that i've never had enough wine to ask about. (also, you tend to get the boilerplate "of course we're proud of you and we'll love you no matter what!" answers)

anyway, that's all i'm willing to write there. true story: when i was a teenager, my parents found my angst-and-anger filled "online diary" (when you're a teen, it's easy to feel as though you're secure online from prying eyes, but nope) and just about sent me to the psych hospital. that may have been an over-exaggeration, but either way, i was grounded for months, and ever since then i've absolutely avoided talking about my family online. like, never do it. not worth who might potentially see it.

in other news, i'm going to drink this beer tonight and i'm pretty stoked about it.

[ music | mgmt, "congratulations" ]

Saturday, April 2, 2016

begin again

it's april! and stuff. so here's where we're at:

- this weekend is the biggest wwe weekend of the year, with the nxt (their equivalent of the minor leagues/feeder system) pay-per-view last night and wrestlemania tomorrow night. so obviously, the boy and i stayed up late last night to watch all of nxt: takeover dallas, furiously tweeting and gasping at the screen. i've actually been tweeting more and more with a whole community of wrestling fans on twitter, and it's been an absolute blast. just goes to show how if you're willing to dive headfirst into a fandom, you'll end up making a bunch of rad connections you never would have otherwise.

anyway, tomorrow is sean's day off, so we're going to load up on snacks (and wine) and get ready for the big event in the evening. something nice to kick off the month! (it's also the night that all the fairweather wrestling fans come out of the woodwork, so don't be surprised if you see someone who never talks about wwe tweeting avidly about wrestlemania)

- trying to make good on my vow to start putting music on at home again, i've also picked up on updating my indie 103.1 tribute playlist on spotify. i've been listening to indie 103.1 out of los angeles for, geez, at least ten years now, and their popular spins have soundtracked a lot of major events and moments in my life. so, in an attempt to memorialise their playlist (and also to have something to play when they've got a radio show on), i've been working on a playlist of my own that includes a lot of indie 103.1 faves (and my own faves, obviously). i think it's come along quite well, and it features a ton of both big names and little-known indie bands, all with great tunes.

anyway, have a scroll below, and subscribe here through spotify if you wanna stay updated on what i've recently added to the mix:

- while my love affair continues with neko atsume, sean pointed out the other day that my life pretty much is neko atsume: i see random cats, i give them names, i snap photos of them. sometimes i don't see the regular cats, and sometimes i see brand new ones. (unfortunately i can't bring food for them, even though i want to so badly; i wouldn't want to risk a cat getting sick and then me looking suspicious.) here are four sweeties i've seen recently:

nickname "sweet fluff" (lives three blocks away, sort of a maine coon-ish face, likes to roll around on my shoes while begging for belly rubs)

nickname "tabby princess" (soft fur, generally chill, also friends with a cat that lives nearby that we've nicknamed "the prettiest cat" because it's gorgeous)

nickname nothing yet (i only saw this sweetie yesterday, and she was so pretty and so happy to get some bellyrubs)

nickname "smol friend" (this little guy is probably my favourite right now -- he always comes running over with a happy meow when he sees me, and i swear he embodies the "cat heart-eyes" emoji)

sean's commented before on how i make so many cat friends, and honestly, i spot around a dozen every week. (i don't always get to shower them with affection, though; many city cats are timid and won't go near me.) basically, if you ever go out on a walk with me through a residential neighbourhood, you'll see my head on a swivel as i scan the area for any furry feline movements. i don't have the funds to have a cat of my own, so making friends with all the neighbourhood kitties is the next best thing.

- partially on a whim, i picked up a bottle of nature's bounty hair, skin & nails gummies, because i feel like more biotin is what i need in my life. my skin's never been that great, my nail beds don't look so hot, and i've been super worried lately about how thin my hair is. short of going to the doc and getting my thyroid checked - especially since a lot of this can just be chalked up to, well, ageing - i decided i'd rather try and see if supplements could help first, so, biotin it is. this is in addition to the multivitamin, wild salmon oil, and two vitamin d pills i take every day. (my doc said these were all fine for me to take, so no worries that i'm actually poisoning myself or anything.)

i may be pretty skint, but i do try to afford my vitamins. sure, they might all be placebos and might not be doing any good, but they're certainly not doing me any harm. i was also thinking about picking up some joint care supplements, since repeated injuries and wear & tear have done a number on both my knees - and, to a lesser extent, my right elbow - but i think it'll be okay for now. check back later when i'm hobbling around with knee braces!

- i had a pretty shitty week (pms combined with filing my first taxes as a freelancer combined to a lot of terror and tears), so sean put together a little gift bag of roots stuff for me to cheer me up:

not pictured: bottle of wine, because he knows i've needed it a lot lately. best boyfriend. fuck all y'all, shitty dudes of my past.

that's all! i'm going to go curl up with a hot water bottle positioned directly over my uterus.

[ music | dead confederate, "the rat" ]