Saturday, June 27, 2015

slow reaction

the last couple of weeks have legit felt like i was running a marathon and riding on a roller coaster at the same time. you ever have one of those moments? it sort of feels like you have so much to do and so little time to get it all done, you just have to bear down and hold on tight and hope you get through it. of course, a lot of it is an adjustment period - i've had a lot of time off in previous months, but now i have both independent work to do and multiple job interviews to juggle/attend - and i'm sure i'll sort out my scheduling as time goes on, but lately man, wow. i just kept pushing through and hopefully doing the best job i could. i kind of forgot what it feels like.

there were a couple chances when i could have backed out, but nope -- i held myself to that shit. i may be lazy by nature, but i also don't back down from a challenge, particularly when i think it's coming pointedly from someone. i will undermine myself and tear myself done all day long, but the second someone else tells me that they don't think i can do something? nope. noooope. i will end you.

also, you know what? i like being busy. i like it especially having spent a bit too much time being stagnant and just going through the daily motions of whatever. it feels nice to be able to use my brain power, and to go to bed at the end of the day feeling productive, like i actually accomplished something in the day. free time is nice, but too much of it makes me feel equal parts antsy and sluggish. i've been in perpetual go-go-go mode for most of my life - school, multiple jobs, lots of responsibilities - so i don't really know what to do with myself when i have nothing to do. (this would've been the perfect time to develop a useful skill or hobby, and believe me when i say that i tried, but i drew an absolute blank.)

however, a crazy busy couple of weeks makes patio relaxation after everything's done that much nicer:

anyway, the relief i was recently working towards was sean's 32nd birthday last wednesday. it was going to be a day off work for both of us, and we had big plans to make it an awesome day. i'm entirely confident in my abilities to make birthdays special for whatever guy i'm with, but this day in particular was a great success. here's a screencap of his "birthday wins" that i yanked from his facebook:

we went to starbucks to claim his free birthday drink (big ups to the barista for the cute celebratory art on the cup), then to best buy to exchange a fistful of gift cards and a piggybank full of cash for a brand new playstation 4. (he also ended up snagging four games -- arkham knight, devil may cry 4, the last of us, and watch dogs) after lugging this prime haul back to his apartment, there was approximately five hours of dmc before we went out for birthday wings and beer at duff's, his favourite in the city. so, yes: beer, bbq, and video games. i'm pretty sure i enjoyed his birthday as much as he did. (the gamer kid in me is still awed at the idea of going out on your birthday and getting a brand new video game system. like, are you god?)

my boy's been growing out his scruff and i enjoy it immensely.

i legit have nothing on my birthday wish list for this year but a satin pillowcase and a new long leather duster. i'm boring.

another roller coaster week ahead, but i'm looking forward to wednesday (magic mike xxl opening-day movie date with allegra) and thursday (picnic on toronto island with the boy). it's the little anticipations that make all the other stuff worthwhile, after all.

[ music | the moth & the flame, "young and unafraid" ]