Friday, March 8, 2013

fall awake now

- a paraphrased conversation -

"you sure you wanna hear this?"

i handed him a cigarette and nodded. "yep. hit me."

he shrugged and inhaled as i lit the cigarette for him, looking thoughtful. "okay, here's the thing. you - you're kinda like a hurricane, you know? you're all unpredictable and sudden and kinda crazy, and you just love to blow into somebody's life out of nowhere and change everything."

"and that's such a bad thing."

"no, i didn't say that. it isn't always, but..." he raised an eyebrow at me. "look, it's just that a lot of guys like the chaotic approach at first because yeah, it's exciting and fun and new, but it doesn't really hold up over time. they want it, but they don't want to keep it. you see what i'm saying?"

"i think so. maybe." i leaned back in my chair, exhaling smoke. "but what am i supposed to do, change? this is the only way i know how to be, you know that. and i happen to like who i am, mostly."

"okay, so maybe just dial back the chaos."

"easier said than done."

"and maybe stop waiting for the guy who'll, like, sweep you off your feet or whatever."

i smirked at that. "that's not my thing. i'm waiting for the guy who's like a fucking atom-bomb blast in my chest." i took another drag on my cigarette, waving it at him in emphasis. "that's the funny thing -- i may like to be the hurricane, but the only way i know how to fall for a guy is if he totally fucking disrupts my life."

"sounds like fun." he's being sarcastic, clearly.

"yeah, not really. but thanks for the advice - you're still one of my favourites, you shithead."

"i keep you honest."

"yeah, you do."

i'm lucky to have this one around, still. he keeps me honest.

[ music | lady gaga, "judas" ]

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