Thursday, February 14, 2013

heart beating like a hammer

leonard said it best, as he always does:

(i would totally get that quote tattooed, although i already have "love is not a victory march" done and i'm not sure i want all the myriad cohen definitions of love inked under my skin. although he does define it perfectly.)

now, on this day of goopy pink-and-red cash-grab commercialism (though i've always had a soft spot for actual romance - a little-known fact about me is that my university degree's area of specialization was 19th-century romantic literature), i'm only going to say this, as kind of a follow-up to this blog post:

love is a funny thing, a weird and sacrosanct thing, and it really shouldn't be fucked with or taken for granted. you can boil it down to science and evolutionary chemistry, or you can chalk it up to the cosmos and sheer luck and good timing, but at the end of the day it is a wholly impossible thing to understand. and to me, that's fine; there's no magic in the world unless there are still a few mysteries.

so look, if you have it, be happy and thankful for it; if you have a poor facsimile of it, get the hell out of it and go find something real (because otherwise you're doing a disservice to both yourself and the one you don't actually love); and if you don't have it, don't lose faith in it. i don't. i never have. following my heart has led to some of the best and worst decisions of my life, yet it's always going to remain my driving force. it makes me feel alive and real in a way that nothing else does.

my mother has said that i feel things more deeply and i take things harder than most people do, and my fatal flaw is that i expect others to feel the same. and that's one of the truest things i know about myself. i put everything out there, i say what i feel, i don't hold back, i don't allow for what-ifs and if-onlys.

("some of them don't want to be saved, you know.")

but i wouldn't change that part of me for the world.

happy valentine's day.

[ music | the hundred in the hands, "keep it low" ]