Thursday, October 1, 2009

look good in ribbons

happy october to all! and it really is a happy month for me, since october is my favourite month (month of my birth notwithstanding), mostly because all of my favourite music is very much late-fall music -- all chilly, atmospheric, stripped-down post-punk and old goth. this time of the year is the best time for me to listen to the music that i love, especially early in the morning and early evening. excellent.

speaking of music we love, aux tv will launch in canada tonight, and it aims to bring the music (and the music videos) back to the people. i get the feeling that if you loved - and mourn the loss of - muchmusic shows the wedge and the new music, you'll dig this. if i can pull in the channel, i'll tune in mostly for all the familiar faces i'll see on the small screen. my people!!!11

jack white's directing the new dead weather video. is there anything this man can't do, really? (on the dead weather note, indie 103.1 is playing the hell out of "so far from your weapon" right now, and i'm definitely into it. quality song, that)

thom yorke + flea = new band? this concept is somewhat frightening yet also intriguing.

in the wide world of sports - happy first day of nhl, everybody! - down goes brown is going through the herculean and hilarious task of previewing all the hockey teams for this year. probably only funny if you follow nhl -- and, if you do, you will find this most amusing and cringe-worthy.

85-year-old metallica fan ready to rock! "People think I'm weird. But I'm sorry, I like it loud." i want this woman to be my grandma.

now, don't say i didn't warn you here: the concept for this weirdo movie is gross and wtf-worthy. but read the pages upon pages of comments -- they had me literally crying with laughter last night. ontd! readers are pretty much totally awesome.

also especially awesome: got to see kill hannah here last monday (they roll through toronto about once a year), and it was happy reunions and good times all around. the show itself was full of great stuff - i thought we were spoiled when they played "nerve gas," but then they later pulled out "hummingbirds the size of bullets" (probably my favourite semi-obscure old kh song ever) and i lost my shit - and getting to see and chat with the guys afterwards was, as always, awesome. mat took a snapshot of my tat to be the "fan tattoo of the day" on facebook/twitter (quickly followed by young fans whining about how unoriginal it was, but, um, it was one of the originals, kthnx) while dan more or less convinced me to come down to chicago in december for this year's new heart for xmas show. i say "more or less" because i learned back in 2004 that there is no colder winter wasteland than chicago in december (i went to new heart that year and nearly died), but hey. last monday reminded me that they are still my boys, they still hold a place in the pantheon of my beloved rockstars, and their new album is awesome and you should buy it. the end.

...well, actually, not really the end -- the end of the superficial giggly-fangirl stuff, yes, so now we go a bit deeper. here's the thing: shows these days - especially those types of shows, ones of bands i've been seeing for years and years - tend to depress me. sometimes i don't even like to go to those shows, because they tend to dredge up the old ghosts, and because they can bum me out. i know i'm not old per se, but concerts make me feel old, and they really do highlight the passage of time between the days when i was shameless and excitable, and the current days when it just feels...awkward to be like that. like i should be more mature and calm and know better than to embarrass myself. and that's something i always swore i never wanted to feel.

see, i loved being a crazy anything-for-the-band fangirl, even in the days before the nascent groupiedom destroyed it all for me. i loved being completely shameless about my love for the bands and the rockstar boys and the music, and it's hard to reconcile with myself that a part of me refuses to be like that again. that part of me really has grown up and moved on, and cringes - cringes! i never wanted to get to that point - at the idea of being a moony-eyed hanger-on. i mean, i left early on monday -- the old me would have hung around until the very end of the night, right up until the boys got on the bus and left. instead, my inner self just felt awkward and weird hanging around with the 15-to-18 year old crowd. i felt old and out of place, despite the fact that i was one of this band's first handful of toronto fans. so, i bowed out and let the young'uns take my place. i know my place, after all. i know who i am and that's what matters most to me.

it's just reconciling my old self and old life with my newer, more adult self and life that's been a struggle, and will continue to be a struggle for some time. but i can deal.

also - and permit me to be a girl here for a minute - i want to tote the benefits of fitday. tracking daily food and exercise seemed really weird and obsessive to me, but i've been doing it online (and easily) since august, and i've dropped five pounds. it's pretty damn awesome. so if you're one of my fellow womenfolk trying endlessly to lose a few pounds - or, like me, wanting to regain lost control - i gotta recommend tracking. it's really the only way to see just how much you're consuming vs. how much you're burning and where you can cut back (or let yourself go!). i love. i will especially love not inputting the birthday cake that my mother is baking for me next week (two-layer banana cake with bananas layered in the middle, and cream-cheese frosting with walnuts on top).

now, onward with the first day of the month: work reports due, my first night of floral design class (it's only two hours on thursday nights til december, but i'll decide after this if i want to keep going or cancel it), and cruising on into fall.

[ music | xu xu fang, "fascination street" ]