Saturday, February 2, 2008

earth and sun and sky

saw cloverfield last night; thought it was alright. the concept was pretty cool and it was well-executed, though i didn't find it all that scary, and i'm ridiculously wussy when it comes to monster movies. damn if that thing wasn't ugly as fuck, though. jenna and i spent much time post-movie trying to pinpoint an accurate description; we eventually settled on "weird mutated turtle-bug". with too many legs. too many legs!

more chart cmw goodness. i was actually looking over the cmw showcases yesterday, and i can even pick out the ones i'd undoubtedly be assigned to review were i still in toronto. the whole event is still pretty underwhelming though, especially with my friends tempting me to come down the coast to coachella...

by the way, chartattack also reminds me why i love amanda palmer. she was kind of rushed and tired-sounding when i interviewed her last year - then again, that article of mine was super-weak - but her wit is damn near unstoppable. great blogger, too. (can't find the link right now but you ought to google it up)

britney still crazy; sky still blue. right, then.

idolator finds it when i can't locate it on pitchfork: rachael ray invades sxsw. oh my dear god please let this be a false rumour. i used to have to watch that crazy bitch on the tv sets in the gym, and even without sound i wanted to stab myself.

stereogum picks up on the new morrissey advert. as someone whose tattoos are all band-related - no, seriously, they are - i can relate, and take a measure of pride in my daring brethren. sure, we may all regret it in ten years, but who says we'll even live to see tomorrow? come on, live a little.

okay, and here's the big personal-life news of the moment: in two weeks, i'm taking over as store manager at the cafe.

we're not talking supervisory level anymore -- this is running the damn place more or less by myself. now, to be fair, it's most likely not going to be an overwhelming affair -- my cafe is relatively low-traffic compared to the others, there's only three people on staff, and it's only open monday to friday from 7 to 5. both the district manager and my current boss have been reassuring me that i'll barely be doing more than i'm doing now, just on a different shift (9:15 to 5:45) and i'll be responsible for the banking, the cashouts, the ordering, all that stuff.

yeah, back to being the almighty, indispensable responsible one, remembering all too well how i swore that off when i moved here.

i guess that's not really fair of me. i mean, for hell's sake, i'm turning twenty-five this year. quarter century of my life. it should be about time to start taking more responsibility in my jobs (because that usually equals more money, and i'm at the point - with bills, rent, and student loan payments all gouging me monthly - where i need much more than minimum wage). not to mention the fact that i basically never back down from a new challenge; for someone to offer me a higher position at work means asking me to rise to the occasion, and i can never live with myself if i refuse. i've always been that way. ("it runs in your blood," my mother said.)

still. it's as i put it to my district manager when he proposed this promotion to me: "i just don't like the knowledge that this is something only i can do, and if i'm not here for whatever reason, things will fall apart." he assured me that there's an excess of supervisors at the neighbouring store, so if i ever need a day off or a sick day or whatever, one of them can come cover for me. i don't exactly trust that it'd be that easy, but i'm kind of banking on that right now. (after all, i do have a vacation request form in interoffice mail right now...there's a particular weekend in march where i won't be here. that's all i'm saying right now.)

and let's be honest, i do really need the money right now, and i'm trying to comfort myself with the knowledge that i've pretty well done this job before, and even back then i never seriously screwed anything up. so, then.

at least i get to choose the music that gets played in the cafe. yeah, "uh-oh" is right.

but the bigger problem is that the other world is starting to call me back. right when i have a job i'd kind of like to keep (even though it's not at all what i want to do with my life, whereas this other, er, "occupation" completely is) and rent to pay and bills to pay and a life to keep living here for another seven months. not to mention my instinct tells me that this wouldn't be the ideal situation -- not right now, not with everything else i've already got. i'd be a damn fool to risk losing that.

but what the hell do i do, refuse the opportunity? then what happens?

...then what the fuck am i doing this all for, if not that?

sometimes my sensible logic just makes things even more confusing.

another month, and then we'll have to see what happens in the aftermath of march 2008. it's gonna be a doozy (the mental image i keep describing is "a bunch of planets in my universe all colliding"). stay tuned.

[ music | kill hannah, "lips like morphine" (remix) ]