Tuesday, January 29, 2008

carry the torch for me

hello, lucky people: a midweek post! yeah, i know, calm down plz. this is mostly because i'm taking the night off from my usual cardio time; not exactly feeling up to it tonight, for common reasons. this little exchange between my manager and i this morning probably sums it up:

him: "wow, you're in a really angry mood today, aren't you?"
me: "i'm bleeding."

something to cheer me up, however: new depeche mode! coming soon! studio time in march omfggggg. martin's got new stuff in pre-production! i'm so psyched to hear about this, i might just spend a good portion of the rest of my evening watching my dm dvds instead of devouring a pint of ice cream or whatever silly thing my gender's supposed to do right now. yeah, no.

feist, finger eleven and michael buble will be performing at this year's juno awards. even more exciting -- the nominees will be announced next tuesday! i have high hopes for a few of my rockstar darlings. and with this year's host city calgary not too far away, well...

looking forward, my dear chart magazine announces its cmw showcase, reminding us all that canadian music week is on the near horizon. i'm having a bit of a pouty moment here, given that this is the first cmw i'll be missing in like five years, but at least i have new music west in may to be excited about.

back to the awards-show announcements: the nominees for the shockwaves nme awards 2008. all the usual suspects, i suppose. ah, british music scene -- in this time of so much turmoil, striking show writers and crazy britney, you alone can be counted on to remain consistent.

ain't it cool cares about the g.i. joe movie, and that's nice. i was more of a thundercats girl myself.

it's only tuesday and i'm already wanting it to be friday. (weekend shall include: cloverfield and naam vegetarian goodness with jenna, daft punk dance night, and more long walks with coffee in hand than you can shake a stick at)

p.s. it snowed an assload today. snow. in vancouver. suffice to say, my morning commute was slightly less than absolutely terrifying.

[ music | the cure, "why can't i be you?" ]

Saturday, January 26, 2008

like a blood red carpet

....as i was saying, weekends are the prime lazy time over here, whereas during the week i always seem to be too busy to update. this is shameful to me (especially given that sometimes i reread my old blog and marvel over 1. how often i managed to update and 2. how rad my life generally sounded) and i can't really see why so many of you are still hanging around, but eh. i can't explain madness. otherwise i'd have figured myself out a hell of a long time ago.

to whit - and i swear i'm trying not to make excuses - monday through friday, my day roughly goes exactly like this:

- wake up at 5:40 a.m.
- run around like a half-asleep maniac in order to leave house to catch 6:30 bus
- ride bus to work in the dark along with all the other morning zombies
- work from 7 to 3:30 p.m., a shift which involves serving the same things to the same people at the same time pretty much every single day (a old barista co-worker of mine used to refer to this as the "groundhog day" effect, after the movie)
- go home and hang for a bit before hitting the gym for two hours
- come home, shower, bed by 10 (most of the time)

in between, there may be one or two days off from the gym, some grocery-shopping, calling my folks to let them know i'm still alive, lying on my bed and reading, listening to music, and sending approximately 45,765 text messages to toronto (approximately 85% of said text messages not being safe for public viewing -- and i think we might possibly be getting dirtier). these are the things you do when you live a gazillion miles away from the bed you'd rather wake up in and the person you'd rather wake up next to. so.

weekends, though -- weekends are nice things. i've become fond of ambling down to granville island and hanging out there for hours, usually sitting by the docks and people-watching, or else finding some coffee shop along main street (most usually turns out to be bean around the world) and hauling my laptop there to get some writing done. the preferable sort of writing is, of course, music-journalism pieces; in related response to that, i called the straight on monday as i was supposed to, but mr. music editor was not back from vacation yet, the bitchy secretary informed me. left a voicemail for him anyway; no response yet. will try again this monday. i can be the abrasive sort.

other stuff:

bauhaus! bauhaus!! i'm probably happier about that than i am about the news that love and rockets will be playing coachella this year. seriously, it's all about the murphy. (though i guess there can't be so much arguing with a song as awesome as "kundalini express"...damn you, ash!)

also from my online journalistic home, a great review of the editors show in toronto. it seems like a safe bet that jenna and i will be out to see `em take on our new home city, which also leads me to consider how many times i'll have seen editors by then: four times. and interviewed them twice. i enjoy the times when my love for a band sneaks up on me like that.

idolator posts one of the most awesomely mind-blowing things i've seen all week: mtv circa 1983. judging by the concert dates they're showing, i was maybe all of, oh, four weeks old when this first aired. whoaaaaa.

amy winehouse goes back to rehab. jesus fuck, finally.

oprah could make dr. phil "disappear". i wouldn't doubt it -- that woman could buy god. and while i do admit to a long stretch of dr. phil-loving - a past roomie and i would often spend an hour every afternoon yelling at the tv and revelling in watching people with worse lives than us - i gotta admit, the whole britney-intervention smacks wayyyy too much of self-promotion and publicity grabbin'. i mean, duh.

alright, i kinda want to get out there before the supposed snow hits (yes, snow -- it happens once and a while out here in van, just enough to fuck with everybody's heads except for those of us who were born and bred in the winter hell that is the eastern seaboard of canada), so i'm out. same time next week? okay, maybe earlier if i stop being a lazy shit. we'll see.

either way, gallows tomorrow! hell yes. i'm gonna go to a punk gig wearing stilettos and a corset.

oh yeah, and p.s. the halos are back, starting about a month from now. to you, that probably means nothing; to me, right now, that means close to everything. stay tuned.

[ music | kill hannah, "i wanna be a kennedy" ]

Monday, January 21, 2008

the angels are watching

jesus, ever since i've become familiar with this concept of "having weekends off", i've just been ridiculously lazy on saturdays and sundays. oh sure, i'll usually get up early enough in order to get a few things done - laundry, a gym workout - but then i'll end up spending most of the day napping. having weekends off is sending my productivity straight to hell.

holy shit, motley cruise 2008! now with extra ratt and slaughter! i would totally unironically go on this, except that a) i'm female and b) without any sort of breast implants, not to mention not cougar-like whatsoever. well, at least not for another fifteen years or so.

hot hot heat's back on tour (and jenna and i will be there), but ugh -- "the" editors?? fail. where are my editors?

exclaim!'s click hear is taking a look at the next hot canadian acts for 2008. i've long stopped paying attention to the canadian music scene so maybe this year will be the one to change my mind again. (if anything, i've learned to never take the eastern ontario scene - my homeland - for granted ever again)

speaking of more albums coming in `08, expect the third from die franzes. i have to admit, i was tempted to buy alex kapranos' foodie book at chapters the other week. so darn cute!

condolences for lily allen after she suffers miscarriage...i'm all for a lack of babies but this news sucks. damn :(

overly-verbose words i've used in my current article for chart: "knell", "vestiges", "eschewing", "ether". the game continues! (part 1/2 of the econoline crush articles went up this weekend...as i said to editor aaron over e-mail, looking at the track listing for big shiny tunes 4 invariably makes me sad and depressed. dudes, i was sixteen in 1999 and i fucking loved that album.)

p.s. i'm currently looking for a new cell rate plan with bell -- anyone have any recommendations, preferably a package that's good for those of us who send a gazillion text messages a day? that is, those of us who are in need of constant communication with particular somebodies in another part of the country. (...yes, he's in a band, a prominent one at that. and we already have disgustingly cute pet names for each other. and i feel like a doofy, giggly schoolgirl 24/7. arrrrrgh)

[ music | editors, "munich" ]

Friday, January 18, 2008

midnight's calling

i'm alive! and bringing you news!

chartattack gives us the lowdown on canadian artists nominated for brit awards. living in van, i have to hear so goddamn much about michael buble, i gotta say. then again, i don't find him entirely offensive...probably something my mom would like, actually. (although it goes without saying that my mother's two favourite musical acts are gordon lightfoot and blue rodeo)

elsewhere, idolator lets us know that the grammys are going off, and amy winehouse may or may not be performing. either way, the terrible frizzed-out blonde hair, bad makeup job, and sobbing over her locked-up chav husband will be present. tune in! (especially now that he's threatening divorce!)

don't fuck with coldplay. seriously though, just adds to the assumption that chris martin is a bono-wannabe douche.

trailer for the horrors documentary counting in fives, holy crap holy crap i want to see it now. i've been rightly enamoured with those gothy darlings since way before i ever interviewed them (and reviewed their toronto gig), and it's fantastic to see them continuing to get their due. must see!

via stereogum: why? cover the cure. not quite as good as division day covering depeche mode, but i'd still spin it.

news1130 reports on the "secret love hotel" at broadway and granville. that's totally the area i hang out in on weekends! uh, not insinuating anything there, of course...i'm only ever down in the island or lurking around chapters.

whack of cloverfield reviews come rolling in to ain't it cool. i'm still considering checking it out, if only because i like watching big monsters smash things... oh, and there's also a review for teeth, which i've always take an absent-minded interest in ever since coworker brett let loose with the infamous quote: "i read about this film at sundance that was about a girl with a fanged vagina. it reminded me of you somehow."

well, yes.

as far as everything else is concerned...

right now i still feel the impulse to get another job, to start saving money as soon as possible...because, just like last time, i know it's coming and i don't have a lot of time. the other world's coming back for me in two months, maybe less, and just like before, i need to be ready to go as soon as it calls. i don't know how it'll happen this time, or in what form, or who it'll be to get ahold of me, but i just know. two months. maybe less. and then i'll disappear, be gone again on the next big rock n' roll adventure.

i hate to be so vague about all this, but i don't exactly want to sound crazy like britney, either. still, though, this is how it is. and i know it.

but i also know how quickly things can change, and how much i can't prevent it from happening. and that maybe i shouldn't want to prevent it. maybe this is right, finally.

or maybe i'm just too fucking scared that i'm going to have my heart broken again.

....well. we'll see.

[ music | metric, "combat baby" ]

Saturday, January 12, 2008

where i end and you begin

...all hail emotionally tumultuous beginnings to 2008. seriously, i run away to the west coast and the soap-opera drama still follows me. wtf. (but really, you and i both know that i couldn't live without it -- boredom in my life is something i could never tolerate)

oh well, let's deal in some distractions:

who wants to go see cloverfield with me? ain't it cool loved it, and though horror/suspense movies tend to freak me the fuck out - i'm hideously squeamish, a fact confirmed when jenna and i went to see sweeney todd last week, and i turned away from the screen for 70% of the time - i'm sort of wanting to see it anyway.

speaking of movies, ontd! brings us the 12 best films of 2007 you didn't see. i've said it before and i'll say it again: control. the dvd comes out next month and i'm gonna have a fucking party.

the blog of a future reality-tv superstar! you heard it here first, readers. many congrats to one-third of my darling femmes fatales of chart!

i really just like that this idolator column is titled holy balls. it's about the almighty dragonforce, of course, a band that i think i was offered an interview op for a couple years ago, but had to decline because i was in exams or something. kind of regretting that now.

(p.s. i interviewed trevor from econoline crush - remember them? - late last night and was so unironically jazzed to do it. as i said to him, completely verbatim: "your music was part of my adolescence as a canadian teenager in the 90's." i don't even care if that can be filed under "sad but true")

news that doesn't matter so much for those outside of the barista biz: jim donald is ousted from starbucks; howard schultz regains power. howie is back, bitches! now let's see if he can save the `bucks brand from the steady commoditization decline that it's been in for the last few years...even i was embarrassed when i worked there last year.

though i am kind of thankful to have a job that affords me money so i can go see gallows on the 27th! hell yes! (also, new outfit to wear to the show! i also got the matching miniskirt, although i'm not entirely sure how well a corset and heels will work out at a punk show...oh well, we'll see)

now, i have a shitload of books to get through this weekend - including but not limited to high fidelity, ladykiller, and the excellent skipping towards gomorrah, which i read much of last night while soaking in a huge hot bubble bath (all hail being the only apartment in the house with a bathtub) - in between my usual routines of laundry-doing, gym-going and grocery-buying, so i'd better ignore the calling of my bed and get back to it.

[ music | the smiths, "what difference does it make?" ]



alright. i get it.

and it's at the point where i don't even wonder about why now or what for or where this impulse suddenly came from. i can't even wonder about why this was put in front of me at this turning point of a moment, or if the old promises i swore still hold true in this case. and i definitely i try not to wonder about the consequences, especially now.

instead, i just wonder if, when he looks at recent photos of me, all he can see is me at his feet, on my knees.

.....you haven't answered me yet, sweetheart.

i know you won't.

[ music | the cure, "watching me fall" ]

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

and we're running out of air

...don't think i don't see the irony in it.

as soon as i leave the place, my former home offers up everything i'd ever wanted. not just one but both reasons that i once swore would have kept me there for good.

but i'm not there.

and i could go back, i know. (not that it would be necessarily easy, but "if you wanted it badly enough, you would find a way.") i know that just as well as i know this is a temptation, this is a test, this is the forces above trying my patience and attempting to make me fall. but something tells me that my work isn't done here yet -- something tells me i can't go yet, and so i know i won't. stay here, because even though things might not be the same when you go back, it will still be there. your heartland is still there.


there are still scribblings on a piece of paper stuck to my fridge.

there are still the moving images and the written word.

there is still me being thankful that you've made me no promises, because that way i won't have to automatically think you're lying.

there is still my absolute terror about all of this.

(well child, are your lessons done?)

i have never learned my lesson.

[ music | kill hannah, "hummingbirds the size of bullets" ]

Sunday, January 6, 2008

when the sky fell over me

i think i kind of die a little every time i watch this sisters video and think about all the times they've denied being a goth band. i mean, seriously? seriously? that vid has fog, glitter, moody lighting, prancing, shadows, teased-up black-dyed hair, and capes. capes, people. though to be fair, i think von was like my age (omfg) in that video, so maybe it was a judgment call to be blamed on youth. and i'd still hit it.

let's catch up on the news, in absentia:

behold, the results of the 2007 chartattack readers' poll! and i'm...not totally disappointed in the voting masses, this time. yet it does remind me more and more that i'm losing touch with the younger generation of music fans -- i mean, come on, i'm interviewing econoline crush in the next couple weeks. the only way i could be more gleeful is if it were, like, jet set satellite or something.

i am old. and i have shitty taste in music. but i'm damn well proud of that -- i love what i love, end of story.

jam! music looks forward to 2008's big releases. holy fuck, the new bauhaus is dropping in march?? holy fuck. it's the original lineup too, i think i remember reading somewhere, so i'm marking that one on my calendar.

new otp: pete doherty and amy winehouse? seriously, who didn't see that one coming? match made in crack-dealer heaven.

and because it's what pretty much everybody's talking about right now, the toronto star acidly weighs in on the latest britney spears news. oh geez, dr. phil? i just...don't know about that, really. true, i will still watch his show whenever i can, but that's mostly because i revel in schadenfreude and watching people with worse lives than i have. i'm an asshole like that.

as i mentioned in a moment of poetry-inspired lucidity on facebook, despite my inherent brokeassness, i succumbed to the pull of stranger music: selected poems and songs by leonard cohen at the bookstore the other day. (well, okay, it was more that i had a small amount of money left on a chapters gift card, and i wanted to buy something with more substance than, say, the new issue of cosmo) and, aside from being perfect cafe reading, it was definitely what i needed right now -- words and lyrics to reflect exactly how i'm feeling right now, about everything, although i couldn't tell you how or why. omfg leonard, i hope you live forever.

by the way, monsieur cohen is being inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame this march. so, so well-deserved.

alright, it's a lazy rainy sunday so i think i'm going back to bed for a while. be good to each other.

[ music | razorlight, "somewhere else" ]

Saturday, January 5, 2008

look before you leap

by the way, if you don't find these the most staggeringly heartbreaking love song lyrics ever, then you probably have no soul. the end.

okay, so it's now 2008. i already did one of those lame year-end survey deals, but since i posted it ad nauseum all over my myspace and facebook, i'll spare you all of it here. in a brief recap (particularly for those who missed the entirety of my old blog), 2007 was: continuing an affair from 2006, eventually ending said affair in a blaze of vengeful glory, changing jobs, falling for a guy, falling out with a guy, going on tour with a rock band, falling in love with the open road, changing jobs again, working for a record label, deciding to move to the west coast, selling off and donating everything i owned save for two bags of clothes and a backpack, and disappearing into the west. and here i am now, typing from my second-floor apartment with a view overlooking the lights of downtown vancouver. who'd have thought.

to kick off 2008 in high style, jenna and i got trashed and took to the streets on monday night, dressed up in our fetish best for sin city new year's. it was a productive night -- made some friends, cringed at some outfits, tore up the dancefloor, did the traditional countdown with champagne in hand (not i, though, hater of the bubbly that i am), and eventually braved the madness of granville street - for my torontonian readers, that would be the equivalent of clubland - to get sushi at 1 in the morning.

two important conclusions were come to in the drunken haze of new year's eve, however.

one was courtesy of jenna who, in response to my commenting that everything was still the same in toronto, said, "if we were still there, nothing would be different for us, either." and that's very true. she and i agreed that toronto has a way of lulling you into false contentment, into believing that you've got it good, so why bother changing things? it's a nasty cycle, that, and one that i barely managed to escape from. like i said before, i know that if i were still in toronto, still living my toronto life, nothing would have changed between october and now. and that'd be a terrible problem.

so the other conclusion of mine was that i'm going to appreciate this experience, someday.

sure, it's hard right now. and it's been hard. but i've bested the three-month mark now, and i've been here long enough to know that someday, however many years down the line, i'll be glad i did this. i'll look back on these days and be happy that i chose to spend this time in vancouver, away from my little bubble in ontario, away from my comfort zone. i'm getting perspective on my past and present life by being here, and hopefully i'm getting a better picture of what my future looks like, too -- or at least, what it should look like. what i want it to be.

i still swear that i'm not long for this place. this isn't my city; i don't have the patience to try and master a city that is - i'm sorry to say this, but it's kind of true - so dead in terms of nightlife and a scene of its own. there isn't a part of this place that i can make my own. but for the time being, i can observe and absorb and try to learn something about myself, and the world, and what lies outside of the life i've known for my entire twenty-four years. i have to make this worthwhile, after all.

though i guess i should also mention that eight days ago, i went back to toronto and fell for a guy.

and i don't know what the fuck to do about it.

...bring it on, 2008.

[ music | lostprophets, "to hell we ride" ]