Today, My Heart Swings   

i really don't mind the slow weekends right before everything goes batshit nuts. it's relaxing, even with the undercurrent of stress and anxiety.

see, those of you who know me - know me personally, at least, and for longer than six months - will know quite well that i'm sort of a compulsive organizer, planner, what have you. it's one of my varied ways of channeling my innate control-freakness into something more productive (and kinder) than my earlier days of being manipulative and generally a crazy bitch. anyway, so whenever there's something big on the horizon that needs to be planned for ahead of time, i'm on it. i'm on that shit like a fat kid on a twinkie. what's more, i'm manic-compulsive about making sure that everything will go off without a hitch.

this obviously can cause undue stress.

this is especially since i have two big things on the horizon that need to be prepared for, and asap: one, my trip to vancouver (i leave this saturday afternoon), and two, my move at the end of the month (looking to be saturday the 30th, all participating parties permitting). i'm sort of manic about my vancouver trip because i still need to call people, still need to organize get-togethers, still need to figure out what to pack, still need to make sure i know where i'm going and how to get there; i'm sort of manic about my move at the end of the month because i still need to ensure my friend can help me move, still need to confirm the van rental, still need to clear everything with dean's mom for storage, still need to do the usual pre-moving rituals like changing addresses and cancelling utilities.

fortunately, i'm also manic about making lists, so this has helped quite a bit.

really, i'm too much like my mother in that i have a hard time relaxing -- there are always too many things running through my head, too many things that need to be done or prepped or organized. and so, since this is my first actual vacation, i have to learn to just calm down, sit back and enjoy my time off. or at least make a concentrated effort to have it honestly be "time off". bah.

though i have to admit i don't make it any easier on myself -- i'm just about to book bus tickets to get me to kamloops on wednesday the 20th (to see c'mon, of course -- no, i can't let go; yes, i'm a stalker), which will end in me taking an all-night bus ride back to vancouver on thursday morning in order to go straight to the airport for my 9 am flight home. oh, lovely madness. (but, as i said to the boy in a text message this morning, "i have done way crazier, way stupider things for boys before. for the boy i love, why the hell not?")

also, from my notebook scribblings late last night:

VANCOUVER DO/SEE LIST:

- Sushi Sushi, the Eatery, the Naam, the Templeton, sushi place in North Van, Topanga
- J.J. Bean (get coffee beans for Jenna)
- 49th Parallel (get coffee beans for self)
- Granville Island
- Lonsdale Quay
- Dunbar! [dunbar street was the closest "big street" to where i lived, and i spent many days walking up and down dunbar to get groceries, booze, go to and from the gym at the community centre, etc.]
- Park & Tilford w/ gardens
- Melissa/Delna/Leora/Garry/Henry/Todd/Denyss/Johnny
- Uncle Chris/cousins Rob & Peter
- the Cobalt and the Cambie
- T5PC (maybe) [this would be "take 5 pacific centre", the cafe where i trained]
- T5WH (probably) [take 5 west hastings, the cafe i later managed]
- mountains
- SeaBus rides

hopefully most or all of these can be done and/or seen in my five days in vancouver next week.

in the meantime, distractions:

my review of the kills & the horrors show last week, and i didn't really hold back on any of my opinions in it. i hate - really hate - to get down on a band i love so much, but my journalistic integrity means i have to tell the truth about what i saw and how i felt about it. it's a very fine line, this. (though i have to say, the kills' set definitely made me a fan. i don't think i'm gonna make their show in vancouver - if only because i'll have just gotten off of a four-hour flight and will undoubtedly be frazzled - but i know melissa will enjoy it. will definitely be sold out.

in that same vein - or at least, with the same lead singer - dead weather have their first north american tour planned, and i definitely wouldn't mind checking that shit out. crazy weird supergroups unite!

what can you really say about a compilation titled "time to say goodbye"? my immediate thought was "there had better be at least one sarah mclachlan song on it, probably 'i will remember you'" -- and well, i at least had the first part right. ("angel" is on disc 2)

pitchfork's summer festivals in brief, notable mostly for the ottawa bluesfest lineup. i'm not sure what qualifies it as "blues" exactly, but come on -- the yeah yeah yeahs? [the aformentioned] dead weather? the national? hot damn, i might actually have a reason to go to ottawa for once. (if you're not from ontario, you may have heard that ottawa is a requisite place to visit if you ever come here -- trust me, don't.)

an american gladiators movie? excuse me, what? i suddenly got a horrifying image of something like mad max: beyond thunderdome, but with those ridiculously costumed roided-up gladiators on the landscape instead. (to be fair, though, i think that show was a mainstay in the youth of anybody growing up in the late 80s/early 90s)

urrrgh, food now. note to all my fellow sufferers of high stomach acid: drinking two glasses of lemon water every morning doesn't do any good. in fact, it just makes you feel worse. who'd have thought.

[ music | the horrors, "scarlet fields" ]